A Tale of Mary, Sue, and Yaoi
by Hopeless Alchemist
Summary: Mary and Sue are your average fangirls. They love FMA but get irritated when all they can find is yaoi fanfics. This is the story of what happens when they decide to cross into Amestris and tell Ed about fan fiction. Be prepared for yaoi bashing and fourth wall breaking.


**A/N: Sup! So I've been thinking about doing this type of thing for a while. I came up with the idea while texting my friend Madi. **

**Warning: unexplained crossing of the gate soon to be seen. Just roll with it. There's also some breaking of the fourth wall.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with FMA, just my OCs.**

This is the story about two fangirls named Martha (Mary) and her friend Susan (Sue). They bonded over the fact that their names combined made Mary-Sue and became friends after one conversation. But this isn't about them! It's about their trip to Amestris and about how they managed to majorly creep out Ed.

One day while browsing together, the entire front page for Fullmetal Alchemist was yaoi. Neither of the girls were big fans of yaoi, so obviously they were more than a little ticked off.

"Fan Fiction needs a filter for this kinda thing," Mary commented as she stared intently at the computer screen.

"Agreed!" Sue chimed in.

A light bulb turned on in Mary's head and she turned to look at her blonde friend. Sue grew uncomfortable when she saw the evil smile on her brunette's face.

"You're scaring me, you know that?" she told her.

Mary's face fell as she sighed. "Good grief."

Sue frowned and began poking her friend in the side. Her frown turned into a smile as Mary squirmed. "Come on, what were you going to tell me?" she asked when she stopped.

Mary's smile came back as spoke. "How about we go and save them?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"We should cross over the gate and save the characters from being paired that way!"

Sue grinned as she thought about this. "Awesome! But how?"

"Never underestimate my amazing powers," Mary said as she stood up. She grabbed her pen and drew a transmutation circle on her hand. Dropping the pen, she clapped her hands. "Watch and learn my good friend."

...

A few moments later the two girls found themselves standing in the middle of Central. Sue's mouth was hanging open as she looked around.

"Awesome!" she said as she looked around.

"I know, right?" Mary said with a grin. She looked down a street and nodded to herself. "Come on, this way!" she called as she took off running.

The two girls caught sight of a familiar hotel and ran inside. They attracted a lot of attention with the fact they were wearing 21st century clothes.

"Yo dude!" Mary called to the man at the front desk. "Where's Edward Elric staying?"

He blinked before pointing to the stairs. "Room 218," he said, terrified of the two girls.

Sue gave him a kind smile. "Thanks!" she said before they ran up the stair case and to the room.

"So what's the plan?" Sue asked Mary.

The brunette stared off into space before smiling again. "Just follow my lead."

She nodded and watched as her friend began pounding on the door.

"Edward Elric!" she screamed. "Open up this goddamn door before I kick it in!"

Sue watched in amusement as the door opened and the blonde appeared in the door way. If it weren't for the fact they were on a mission, the girls would have gone into fangirling induced comas.

"Do I know you two?" he asked as he looked at the girls.

Mary smiled evilly. "No, but we know a lot about you," she said.

The blonde boy was taken slightly aback with this and wasn't sure how he should respond.

"We come from a place where your lives are our entertainment. There is also a place known as fan fiction, where your fans write insane stories about and the people you know. We've come to warn you about something known as yaoi."

Now understanding what the plan was, Sue nodded and began speaking. "Fan fiction is full of pairings, you see, and yaoi is a pairing between two guys."

Ed frowned at this. _These two have to be insane._

Mary carried on where her friend left off. "We've come here to tell that you have been paired with some… disturbing people…"

"People that include Roy Mustang, Envy the homunculus, and even your younger brother Alphonse," Sue continued.

The brunette shuddered at the last one. _Elricest_, she thought in disgust. _That's just creepy._

Ed's face had paled to extremes.

"This is just a 'you need to be really careful' warning," Sue continued. "We are two fangirls that would rather see you paired with Winry any day."

Momentarily forgetting the thought of being paired with his commanding officer, Ed's face turned pink when she mentioned his mechanic.

The two girls smiled at him and he frowned.

"What?" he asked. They ignored him and began their own conversation.

"He's totally in love," Mary said.

"I know, right?" Sue said, jealous of the evil wrench thrower.

They continued to ignore Ed and began walking away as they spoke more about fan fiction.

A tick mark showed up on his head before he went back in his room. His armored brother was sitting on the couch.

"What was that about?" Al asked.

Ed's face paled when he thought about the pairings the blonde girl had told him about. "I don't even want to think about that right now."

After warning Colonel Mustang about yaoi, the girls decided to go back home.

"Should we warn Envy as well?" Sue asked.

Mary scowled. "That genderless palm tree is all on his own."

Sue sweat-dropped before her friend clapped her hands again. They found themselves sitting in Mary's room once again.

The blonde looked over at the computer and grinned. "Hey check it out! There's something new here," she said as she turned to the brunette.

Mary leaned in front of the screen and raised an eyebrow at the fan fiction that her blonde has clicked on. "Uh, Sue," she said as she read the summary.

"What is it?"

"This fanfic is about us…"

**A/N: So how'd you like it? I was bored and typed it up in about half an hour. I couldn't resist putting the extra fourth wall in there at the end.**

**Anyways thank you for reading! Please review this and check out some of my other fanfics :) **


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